It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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