i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
