I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
