I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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