Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
