I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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