I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
