I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize