Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
