doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
