Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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