i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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