wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
