i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize