True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
