I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
