I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
