Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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