Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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