drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
