You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
