can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
