Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
