I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
