I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
