Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
