You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
