Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
