We got so high we made milksteak
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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