my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
