Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
