We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
