Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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