the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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