i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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