I think I won the penis lottery.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
