HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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