she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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