if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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