Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
