tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize