remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
