Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
