think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
