We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
