i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
