2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize