So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
