I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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