$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
