Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
