hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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