does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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