I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
