i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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