I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
