You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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