Already got asked if we're dating
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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