it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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