What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
