i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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