Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
