you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
