youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
