WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
