she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
