I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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