New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
